These 17 keys will inevitably lead to an irreversible shift in your perception. These keys will either resonate with you or you will reject them completely.
If you allow these keys to unlock your perception and follow the exercises it will open new awareness around your self identity.
Use these keys to ride the edge of your comfort zone, allowing you to become aware of the internal beliefs that are holding you back from acquiring what you desire.
The foundation we’ve built our self-image on has been a work in progress our entire lifetime. If we shake it to severely it can crumble the foundation we use to see the world.
While changing this foundation WILL get results, it can come at a cost of not being able to return to the comfort zone you have established around yourself.
As you unlock your manliness you will uncover a new strength you uniquely have locked inside of you.
Using these keys allows you to take back control of your reality and free yourself from the subtle negative influences of others. It will allow you to become aware of the social matrix and unlock hidden doors within yourself and tap into the natural attractive manliness each one of us harbors inside.
These 17 keys to manliness are the next steps on the path you’ve been carving out for a long time.
Some will use this list as a set of affirmations to reinforce the principles by returning again and again as a refresher course. Many will use this list as a 17 day meditation, rewriting a new key or two each day and practicing bringing it into awareness.
If the keys become too strong and you fear you are going to unlock yourself from the matrix too quickly and “awaken into the machine world” it may be wise to enlist the help of a friend. At least then you’ll get to play in the machine world together.
Go at your own pace. Adapt the things that will serve you, disregard those that at this time will not.
Here are the keys.
1. Accept Everything. The motto for this first key could be ‘it is what it is.’ Accept everything the way that it is. Confront things as they are not how you wish they were. If you are not in the state of acceptance, enjoyment or enthusiasm if you look closely you fill find you are creating suffering for yourself and others.
By accepting the world the way it is without any insistence that if please you grow in your strength to respond to situations. To see them as they are without judgment and rose tinted glasses. If you whine and complain and act life a victim you give your power to control a situation differently. You are focused on your limitations rather than coming up with solutions. It is what it is. Deal with it.
Exercise: Try to notice yourself giving meaning to a situation that does not objectively exist. Or taking on the emotional perspective of another person rather than viewing the situation though your own version of objectivity. Detach from an emotional reaction from a situation and see it for what it is. If something makes you mad try responding with ‘it is what it is’ instead of anger. Happiness, same thing. If you won the lottery could you respond with ‘it is what it is’? Knowing that many lottery winners end up much worse off than before they won the lottery even if it seems like an amazing opportunity. It is what it is.
2. Take Responsibility. You are the decision maker in your life. The key is becoming someone who takes responsible for their thoughts, behaviors and results. No longer do you give yourself the luxury of being able to blame your life on other people. On how you grew up or how one leg is longer than the other. Your life is your responsibility. You’re the only one with access to your ideal life and one with the highest amount invested in the journey. By taking responsibility for your life and everything in it you’ll much better be able to affect change and get the life you want.
Exercise: Anytime you catch yourself trying to put responsibility for what’s happening in your life outside of yourself stop and say “I take responsibility.” Especially in those moments when its easy to blame things on someone else.
Steve Pavlina has a diabolical way of taking full responsibility for your life he calls Hacking Reality: Subjective Objectivity. If you’re really ready to get your world rocked try assuming a subjective reality perspective where your true identity becomes you as the dreamer having the dream. Additional reading: Subjective Reality Simplified.
3. Work On Yourself. Go to work on yourself rather and the ‘problems’ in your life will disappear. The higher vibration you can become the higher vibration things will inter your life. This means improving diet, exercise and mindset. You can’t change other people, you can only change yourself.
If you change yourself your perspective changes and you become aware of new pathways that become available to you. You cannot solve a problem with the same level of thinking that created it. By working on your mindset you’ll evolve beyond your current level of problems.
Exercise: Read 1 hour every night. Aim to read a book a week if you can. Or have a few books you are chipping away at each day. Opening yourself to new perspectives is ultra-empowering. Listen to a Tony Robbins CD’s on the way to work or a favorite podcast. Joe Rogan, Tim Ferriss or The School Of Greatness are a couple great podcasts to get you started. Feed your mind everyday with new perspectives.
4. Kick-Out the Inner Wussy. The part of yourself that bitches and complains is not allowed to stay any longer. It lives inside you for a reason. It gives you comfort. Adopting an ‘I’m better then you’ thought process allows you to relax. To get lazy. The part that complains rather than accepting the world as it is and handling it keeps you safe and comfortable. But not anymore. From this day forward you’re going to handle your shit. You’re no longer going to allow yourself that needy whiney cheap emotional payoff. No more gossiping, no more complaining. And every time you do, slap yourself.
Exercise: Give yourself 30 seconds to make a decision. If you don’t have one by then you’ll have to just pick something and go with it. If you’re trying to decide what you want to eat you have 30 seconds then you just start eating something. If someone asks you your preference you no longer have the luxury of saying I don’t know. Of hiding yourself behind a lack of an opinion. You now make choices and you deal with the consequences of those choices. But what you’ll realize is that the choice never really matters so long as you make it. Because once you start walking you can always change direction.
5. Build A Strong Self Image. A powerful, capable self-image that you love. How you think about yourself is radiated outwards by your actions, mannerisms, tone of voice, and choice of words. The way you stand and the jokes you tell. All a reflection of your self-image. What you feel you deserve out of life.
Exercise: Look into a mirror. Deeply into your eyes. Stare at your eyes for 30 seconds or so. Then tell yourself you love yourself. Don’t look away. Right strait in your eyes say ‘I love you.’ Sit with any emotions that arise. Say it again. Say it until there is a break through. And if this exercise is too weird to you. If you can’t bring yourself to do it. You need to go back and work on #4. It’s time to man up. Get in touch with how you see yourself. Give that self-love, it’s been fighting a hard battle.
6. Move Your Frame Of Reference Inside. Most people have an external frame of reference. They look to the world and other people for cues as to if they are doing the right things. They seek external approval from their parents or friends. To know if their thinking the right thoughts, wearing the right clothes, shooting for the right goals and saying the right things.
People with an internal frame of reference or a strong inner locus of control look on the inside to figure out whether everyone else is on the right page. If your frame of reference is on the inside and you’re using the people and situations a round you to achieve the vision you have for yourself, you will be a lot more effective. You’ll be a lot more powerful, have a lot more charisma and have a lot more energy to attract other people. Move your frame of reference inside.
Exercise: Be aware of when you are looking to others for approval. Reinforce to yourself that you do not care what other people think. You are the one making choices for your life and you will no longer give your power to other people or circumstances to dictate the terms of your life for you. Anytime you look to others for validation stop. Put yourself first and ask what outcomes YOU want out of the situation. Repeat loudly in a public place “I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF ME.”
7. Stop Identifying With External Events. Whenever an external thing happens humans tend to identify with it. It becomes a part of them. It becomes a wrinkle on their self-image. If someone disapproves of something were doing we internalize it and make it something about us. Then we take it further and make it about who we are as a person. The criticism becomes a part of our identity. We think if they disapprove of me then people probably don’t approve of what I do. That we must not deserve of approval. Instead of just saying ‘well, that person disapproved of what I did. Fine, they can think however they want.’ It becomes who we are. We think we’re the kind of person people don’t approve of.
Exercise: Next time you’re criticized by someone remember that their judgment of you says more about them and their need to judge than it says about you. They cannot even see you except through their own personality filter. And anything they see in you is only because they have that same characteristic in themselves. Their rejection of you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them rejecting that part in themselves.
8. Eliminate Failure. Get the whole notion of failure out of your system. Failure is an invented concept. Humans made it up. Each experience is an opportunity to learn and grow. Either you succeed or you grow. The problems comes when we attach meaning to failure. Being a failure becomes a painful gouge on our self-image. We identify with our ‘failures’ and we acquire the self-image of a failure. Instead see failure as an expansion of your boundaries. As necessary to acquire new knowledge and experience. Eliminate your whole notion of failure. Anytime you perceive an experience as a failure stop and shift your perspective to what you learned instead of what you ‘failed’ to accomplish. Compare the lesson you got to the price you paid and you’ll always realize the lesson was a bargain.
Exercise: Try something you’re going to suck at. Build something new you have no idea how to put together. Build a quadcopter, 3D printer, a Raspberry Pi or Arduino gadget. Do something that scares you. Learn how to code, use CAD software, edit music, video or images. Go introduce yourself to a girl you’re attracted to in a public place. Push through the fear that you are going to die and you’ll find a new strength arise within you. Each time you push your comfort zone in one area your confidence will expand in all areas. You build reference points that there is no failure. In each new attempt you gain experience.
9. Compare Yourself Only to Yourself. Stop measuring progress against your external environment. Strive to be better than you were yesterday. Not better than someone else. You don’t know their story, goals, motivations, skills talents. Do not envy someone else for what they have instead pride yourself on your own growth. Compare your accomplishments to the accomplishments of your past. Strive to be giving away more than you were able to give yesterday. It feels good to win. It feels good to be a winner. But there are two types of winning. One is where you get the end result you set out to get for yourself. You accomplished your goals. The other type is where you beat the other person. You won and another person lost. This type of winning leaves you chasing external gratification. It has you comparing yourself to others. It has you struggling to compete with the world or shrinking your pond to prove how big a fish you are.
Exercise: Give other people praise for their accomplishments while realizing you have your own set of standards you live up to. In no way does the accomplishments of someone else diminish who you are. When you find yourself comparing yourself to another person stop and reflect on the progress you’ve made in comparison to where YOU were and where you want to go.
10. Evolve Constantly and Consciously. Always seek the next level. Either you are stepping forward into growth or backwards into safety. You are either growing or you are dying. Stagnant water grows mosquitos. If you are not keeping up with your expanding nature you will continually bump into experience that force you to grow rather than growing consciously. Life will force your hand if you do not continue to expand.
Exercise: Use a 30 day trial to expand into a new experience. Choose something you’ve wanted to try and commit to it for 30 days. What’s great about this is that anyone with modest self-control can change their behavior for 30 days. After 30 days you will have the momentum to continue that behavior if you find that it serves you. You could commit to trying a new diet for 30 days maybe you cut out meat. You could try joining a crossfit gym for 30 days. Call a friend and thank them for being in your life every day for 30 days. Write in a gratitude journal or meditate every day for 30 days. Come up with your own. Use 30 day trials to experience new ways of living and break out of a rut. Altering behavior for 30 days will ensure you are evolving constantly and consciously. That you are experiencing new things that allow you to grow in unseen directions.
11. See Yourself As High-Status. Build a high status self-image. Status has to do with your social standing. Most people have a low status self-image. They walk into a room and look around and try to figure out where the high status others are. Unconsciously they don’t want to ruffle any feathers or make any waves. They hope the high status people won’t notice them and that they’ll fit in. They take up less space and unconsciously hold themselves back from access to their full range of behavior.
People with a high status self-image walk in expecting they are going to be one of the highest status people in the place. They don’t feel diminished by the success of other people and don’t look to them to establish their self-worth. It’s who they are. They’re not high status because they are better than other people or more domineering and controlling. It’s the way they walk through the world. They use their high status to help others. They are mature individuals who have learned how to deal with their inner and outer conflict. They know how to handle their emotions and interact with others.
Exercise: Stop looking at the ground when you walk places. Take in the world around you. Refuse to look down, instead keep your gaze forward. See yourself as a high status person and look other people in the eyes when you walk by. Notice that most people quickly and awkwardly break eye contact. They walk around with their head down. Feel good within yourself and smile at people. If you come off creepy or feel like a creep this is that low self-image coming though. A high status person knows where they fit in the world, is not afraid to take up space and feels comfortable maintaining eye contact with strangers. The world is their friend. Let it be your friend too.
12. Stop Apologizing. Most people feel like they need to apologize for every little thing they do. Especially if other people might be inconvenienced. You notice this every time you run into someone and they say sorry. Or your automatic response when someone runs into you is sorry. Like you’re sorry for existing. How dare you get in another person’s way, who do you think you are? Usually it’s not even the person’s fault who says sorry. It’s just an automatic response.
Sometimes it gets to the point where we feel we need to apologize all the time. We are sorry for who we are. We find ourselves in a room and assume each person has 10-20 things they disapprove of us. We want to walk up to every person and apologize for who we are. We apologize to get another person’s approval. Even if we don’t want to apologize we do it so the other person will like us.
Exercise: Catch yourself when you apologize and notice if you are saying it out of a need for approval. Are you apologizing to reduce friction or negative feelings towards yourself? If you accidently run into someone try saying ‘excuse me’ instead. Stop looking for permission to exist. Make it a rule not to apologize for 30 days. Overtime you’ll build a stronger self-image, healthy personal boundaries and a better understanding of when the right time to apologize is. Then it will mean something when you actually mess up.
13. Stop Seeking Approval. Stop asking people for permission to be yourself. Approval seekers constantly do things so the social group will accept them. They NEED other people to like them to feel good about themselves and what they’re doing. These people often seek money and status so they can show their friends how cool they are. They are the same people bragging about the new watch they got or the car they drive.
‘Do you like me now?’ Becomes their motto. Always seeking the next things that will give them approval from others. They attempt to manipulate situations so people will like them. They might engage in gossip behind their friends back. Approval seekers are often clingy emotionally and seem to hang on people. They wear out their welcome. When they tell a joke or make a statement they’ll instantly look to see if other approved of them by their facial responses.
The irony is that people who seek approval repel people. People don’t want you to look to them for how you should act. They want you to be yourself regardless of what they think about it. They gain respect for you. Approval is like a drug. The more you get the more you need. And the more you need the more you need to fill a hole in your character to feel ok.
Exercise: Notice the next time one of your friends attempts to get approval from a girl their trying to impress. Notice how quickly that girl loses attraction for them. How it repulses her. How seeking approval dissipates any polarity that might have formed between them. Now notice any approval seeking behavior in yourself. Anytime you are doing something because you want someone to like you rather than because it’s how you truly want to act. Stop Seeking Approval.
14. Stop Giving Approval. To many times we give approval in order to get it. We compliment someone so they will like us. ‘Wow you’re Awesome. In fact, you’re so awesome you could just walk all over me and I wouldn’t even mind because you’re so great.’ That is a form of giving approval in order to get it. Of using the law of reciprocity in a way that is only going to backfire. It’s manipulative. People can sense that shit and it repels them. Knock it off.
Exercise: No more sucking up to people. If you like something in someone else let it be known but not to get something in return. Let your behavior be an expression of your personality and not a means to an end. Love yourself.
15. Surround Yourself With Success Models. These can be in person, book, audio, podcasts, or blog. Ideally you combine all of them. Surround yourself with those people living the dream you are striving for. You will subconsciously pick up their habits of thought and behavior. You become like the people you surround yourself with whether you like it or not. You become the 5 people you hang out with most. Today we have an opportunity to expose ourselves to the brightest most gifted minds of the past and present. We can fill our heads with their ideas and mimic their actions to achieve similar results. If you want to be successful surround yourself with success models. Show me your friends, I will show you your future.
People waste so much of their lives doing counterproductive things. Sitting down and watching the news for a half an hour twice a day gives them nothing but fear and limitation. They could be spending that time watching something they are interested in and exposing themselves to ideas that will expand their lives. They just watch the events for their daily dose of fear. They’re not building anything worth rolling downhill.
Exercise. Read a biography of someone you look up to. Steve jobs or Benjamin Franklin are two examples. Get into the life of someone you respect. Figure out what their habits are. Stop watching the news for 30 days. Stop watching reality TV or zoning out on the couch after work. Stop wasting your life in the revolving door of heightened emotion. Take the amazing opportunity you have to expose yourself to someone brilliant worth emulating.
16. Know Your Purpose. The abundance of options in our environment makes it easier than ever to distract ourselves with meaningless tasks. To jump from instant gratification to instant gratification. To look outside ourselves at what everyone else is doing. Instead think about WHO you want to become. Not what but who. What kind of person do you want to be? What do you want to be able to give away in your life? Who do you want to help? If you had unlimited money how would you spend your time? Is what you’re doing right now fulfilling to you or is it checking off boxes society thinks you need.
Take time to reflect on who you want to become. It doesn’t matter if you know exactly who that is. Start marching in whatever direction you come up with. The more experience you get in the world, the more feedback you get the more powerful your purpose will become. The more meaning it will have to you. The more effect you will be able to have on the world. The more you’ll be able to help other people find their purpose. Be a light for people. Know your purpose.
Exercise: Lock yourself in a room with a blank sheet of paper and a pen and don’t do anything until you’ve figured your purpose out. It might take you a few hours it might take a week. Keep writing until you’ve figured it out. Get on your path and stay on it and don’t let anyone or anything knock you off. The universe will get out of your way.
17. Travel. If you’re not regularly getting outside of the bubble you live, by visiting other cities, states and countries, in you are limiting yourself incredibly. If you don’t travel you develop a limited perspective of the world. The more you travel the more access you have to new paradigms.
The more you travel the more unfamiliar situations you encounter which help strengthen your decision muscle and judgment. Travel gives depth to your character and lets you form compassion for a wider range of people and their circumstances.
But don’t think you have to buy a plane ticket and go to another country to get the experience of travel. Many people will travel to another country to see the people and cultures they ignore when they are at home.
The more you travel the more you expand your mind. The more interesting of a person you become. The more stories you have to tell. The more fascinating and cultured you are. The more referenced experiences you will get proving you can handle yourself in unknown situations. The more magnetic you become.
Exercise: Visit an unfamiliar cultures restaurant, shop or part of town you don’t normally go in. Most places have some diversity close by that you might never see if you weren’t looking for it. Explore your town by taking a different route the next time you go someplace. Explore shops you normally wouldn’t go in or eat at an authentic restaurant you have never been to. These are all ways of experiencing new paradigms that don’t require us to book a plane flight.
Now that you have the keys. It’s time to walk the path. True Manliness isn’t something you do it’s something you are. The keys help you find and make your way through the locks in your life. Now you will have access to more doors than you even knew existed. Walk your path.