Let me tell you about how I discovered my power to communicate with insects.

It all started after I had been listening to some random Russell Brand videos. He mentioned that he has respect for all living things. He said that when a fly comes into his house he doesn’t kill it, rather he “tolerates that little bugger.”

This quote came up a day later at work when there was a eclipse of moths repeatedly slamming themselves against the front windows of our store.

My first instinct was to slap the moths dead. Upon killing the first one, I felt bad. Russell’s quote flashed through my head and I could no longer exterminate any of the other  moths. I noticed my college Ben also unable to bring himself to kill the moths.

In redemption of my heinous act, I attempted to catch the remaining moths and let them out the store. I came back the next day to find that our other coworker, Pat, had killed the remainder of the insects that night after my shift.

That weekend I was swimming in a community apartment pool where I noticed that a moth had fallen in and was struggling for its life. A chance to truly redeem myself, I picked up the strange creature, still not really wanting to touch its weird gangly grippe tooth legs, and put it on the side of the pool.

The moth got up and ran right over to me sitting  close to me on the edge of the pool. At first I wondered if the moth was destined to commit suicide in the pool and nothing the outside world could do would stop him.

Then I got a feeling from the moth. A feeling like when your dog loves you and wants to be next to you. I felt the same fondness from this moth. Like it was grateful that I saved it from its struggle and eventual death and gave it another chance at life.

In fact, it was so grateful that it jumped back into the pool and tried to thank me personally.  I knew I had to talk some sense into this moth.

I put the moth on my finger and tried to become comfortable with it despite its inherent strangeness: The way it gripped my finger with its strange claws; Its big black eyes staring at me with it’s strange thought process completely unrelatable to mine.

I sat there with the moth on my finger for quite some time. I tried to talk some sense into the moth so that it wouldn’t keep jumping into the pool. I needed it to realize once again how much it wanted to live! Our relationship took a strange turn. Eventually I felt a fondness for the moth. I could even say that I had love for it. I began to care for the moth.

As its wings dried, I dropped it from the perch of my finger onto the edge of the pool once more. The moth came to the edge and seemed to watch me go back and forth along the side of the pool.

Eventually the moth seemed ready to start its new life. It began a journey along the sidewalk.  A couple minutes later I got out of the pool.

As I sat talking with my friends (or ex-friends after they read that I think I can communicate with insects), I felt something fly into my side and whisper ‘thank you’ in big bubble letters to a blank space in the corner my mind. I turned to look what it was and I saw the moth had just done a flyby and was speeding off into the sky.  I knew it was glad to be alive.

Fast forward to the next day. I get in my car to go to work and there is a moth waiting for me. As soon as I start my car it does a couple laps around my windshield (presumably it’s excited to see me) and settles back down into some unknown corner.

When I get off work at noon I’m reminded about the moth as it does it’s ‘glad to see me loop’ and hides back in its corner.

That night Haley and I are doing our daily trip down the street to whole foods when the moth leaps up in joy that we are here. Haley has a sort of traditional girl reaction where she says something along the lines of ‘ew, get it out!.’

She rolls down all the windows and flaps her arms like a penguin who got pushed off a sky scarper.

I sat calmly and said “sorry buddy, Haley doesn’t feel comfortable with you in here, could you please leave the jeep out my window.”

Thing immediately takes flight from its hidden perch and zings out my window. That’s when I knew – I can communicate with insects.